This past fall I had a milestone birthday, 40. Many of my friends are already 40 so it had not seemed like a big deal. My friends and family had thrown me a surprise party a week before and I always take my birthday off to pamper myself. Many people did not believe I was turning 40, they thought I was younger thanks to good genes and a good skin care routine. Other’s told me their 40’s have been the best years of their life. Heading up to the big day I was feeling good. When I turned 30 I struggled a little, but I had truly enjoyed my 30’s.
Bring on the day before my birthday. I was at work, which was chaotic. As I was leaving my co-workers were wishing me happy birthday and talking about my plans for the day. I walked out of work, got in my car and started crying. Holy crap, I’m turning 40, I could be halfway through my life, I have made some good decisions, I have made some bad ones. I am missing some relationships from my past and questioning others. Am I a good mother? What about my career choice, is this what I want to do the rest of my life. The downward spiral went on.
I pulled out my phone and texted my best friend, Desiree. Her and I have been friends with since third grade and she knows everything about me. In 7th grade, she moved down south but this never impacted our friendship. Now as both of us were closing in on our 40’s we are still just as close and are always there to support each other.
“So I’m having a little bit of a panic attack about turning 40.” She comes back with the light hearted texts, “but we are only 35.” “Today you are still 39” which made me smile. I told her that my daughter was getting ready to play her last middle school field hockey game and I was freaking out about having a high schooler soon. I wrote about my relationships and career and wondered if I made the right choices. I summed up my text with “Obviously I am overthinking everything .” Then the mile long supportive text that caused the tears to continue to flow, but with the words of wisdom I needed.
She validated the choices I have made over my almost 40 years of life and reminded me off all the goods things in my life.
My marriage: My husband and I have spent almost 20 years together building a home, navigating life, raising a daughter and trying to live an adventurous life. We have had our struggles at times. Overall I think we have done a pretty good job creating a great life for ourselves. In a loving way Desiree reminded me that I put up with him everyday. I would say he more puts up with me and my crazy ideas everyday.
My daughter: Desiree acknowledged my fear of my daughter going to high school soon, but reminded me that being a mother is one of the best parts of my life. Watching my daughter grow and become the beautiful person she is makes me proud of her everyday. My daughter reminds me of the goods things in my life.
My Career: Desiree said she laughed to herself when I said I don’t know what I want to do with my life, “ It seems like you have done a hell of a lot already.” Since I was in high school I knew I wanted to be a Social Worker. I went full steam ahead in this career path, receiving my bachelors degree, then my masters, then my clinical license followed by some specialty certifications. I have worked in a variety of fields within social work. Many times questioning why I chose this profession as it is not always rewarding and very hard. Desiree reminded me I have one of the most difficult professions and I have done well in it. Luckily I have gotten to a place where I am truly helping others and have a good life balance. I’m still not sure if this is what I will do forever, but for now I am happy in my career, which I am not sure many can say going into their 40’s.
Our adventures: My husband and I have made travel and exploring a priority in our lives. We don’t do a lot of large trips, but love exploring around New England and giving our daughter different experiences. I have recently started doing some day trips with friends and this gives a different perspective of travel and someone who takes pictures of me. These adventures also allows me to grow my blog.
My friends: I am truly blessed to have some wonderful people in my life. As
I wrote about these friendships in my blog, “Why I Don’t Have a Group of Girlfriends. These relationships have only gotten stronger over the years.
As I drove home after my little meltdown thinking about all the things above my friend pointed out I felt a little better.
On my birthday I did my annual spa day followed by my husband and daughter cooking me dinner. The next couple days were filled with one on one time with my husband, a couple girls days and my daughters last middle school championship field hockey game, insert crying emoji.
I won’t lie I continued to be pretty emotional during those next few days, my poor husband and friends. As I got back into my routine I started to feel emotionally more stable. Do I still question some life decisions, absolutely, but this made me make some goals for myself such as reach out to a friend everyday, usually by text, but if time allows a phone call or a get together. Continue to work on my blog. Evaluate my career and continue to go on adventures. My best advice to gives others who reach a milestone birthday and struggle is to allow yourself to go through the emotions, but after a day or two, pull yourself together and continue on with your life. Evaluate what you want to change if anything and put goals in place. In the end celebrate it. I was so thankful to have my husband, daughter and friends around me to remind me what truly matters in life. Cheers to my 40’s being the best years yet.
